I’m back wit a brand new rap

Hello all audiences,

I have decided to begin writing again since my dating life has sprung up and my emotional year full of long distant boyfriends and people dying of cancer has ended.

Never mind the blues as now I have got my first real job (with contract) after interning with an underpaid artist that felt everyone had to suffer his tragedy. On top of that, I am living in my dream apartment and currently just finished tirelessly painting the very well difficult angled walls, enjoying a glass of white wine to kill time while waiting to go on my date——you really are doing better Bridget.

Ou… nothing like Childish Gambino-redbone popping up on your random Spotify playlist… do i even want to leave this cozy apt for some Irish dudeee?

Hmmm was thinking of ex ex ex lover puerto rican american boy that I met in Australia, he was cute. However to update, I had a South African German boy in my bed last night however no sex was involved cut of my stupid period but anyway its okay it makes me harder to get anyways…

I do notice I am well good at meeting some diverse men’s them.

Ex Ex Lover

Oh dear I think the wine I just had was a bit acidic hence the stomach burn…
Anyways.

So i’m leaving for good and haven’t said goodbye to ex ex lover…shame isn’t it?
After our great birthday sex I have feels that maybe it would of been nice to have that last shag…………

OK I promise I will never use that word again!

Oh Lord I don’t think I ever updated about the extent of my night a month back.
Well this is probably not surprising considering my life can be a hilarious romantic comedy, however maybe take the love out and its just comedy?
Long story short…I got ultimately wasted at one of the classiest events of the year because of the open bar, (lesson learned- don’t take advantage of the free boos), got kicked out at the after party, cried and blamed the guard for being a racist (no relevance/connection/explanation there at all), got home with some friends and one followed me back to my apartment and cried to him for getting kicked out and i’m pretty sure we had sex for 30 seconds, ¬†and I woke up like I literally might as well just die.
Did someone drug me that night?????????
Oh and I only just found the top of the condom wrapper under my bed this morning.
Please forgive me for I have sinned.

Anyways, judge me…I understand.
Fair.

Hello

Listening to Adele’s new tune it reminded me of how much better it is to feel then to feel nothing at all…

Adele simply explains how it does not matter anymore how sorry she is, or how much she has to try, because he just doesn’t feel anymore. This is then proving how saddened she is now from the ‘not feeling’
Instead now, she is only left to dream of how it ‘used’ to be, how they ‘used’ to feel, how sorry she is for making him ‘not feel’ anymore.
But we must also understand her. It’s so hard to ‘feel’ when we have it, sometimes its so hard to understand whats breaking their heart will eventually break our own. So can we blame her?

I’ve had a year where love has been a little missing, and I realized I really would of rather fell so in love with people or a place that it hurts to leave the ‘feels’ then to to feel no attachment and numb about the end. I came to an understanding that it can be better to have an intense, teared apart goodbye then to just leave somewhere without ‘feeling’.
I tried to feel. I really tried to love, but there just isn’t much for me to give here, and listening to this song made me almost realize what i’m missing. However it is peaceful to not have an exhausting nostalgic feeling of people and a place, but feeling nothing for a period of time causes you to eventually lose yourself.

So what’s better, to feel everything…the painfullest of the pain, or to feel…well nothing?

Unconscious Thoughts

On a boring Saturday night in, I got forced to go to one of the top socialite branding events to only discover that no matter how classy the scene rises too, the respect doesn’t.

It’s funny how as little girls we can all dream to find that perfect successful man who have a certain class about them that isnt cocky…but where do we find these men? If we don’t find them in today’s regular society, and not at socialite parties, then what direction or level of social status do we drive ourselves into to naturally fall into the hands of these ‘foolproof’ men?
Or is it just that we are just constantly being fooled from their persuasive selves?
I also just wonder, are our ‘ideal’ men out there, or is it an image that we have created to seek for ourselves to satisfy our needs and unconsciously mainly the needs of others?
Do we really want that kind of ‘man’, or is it just what society makes us all feel that this is what we need…
I think we sometimes look for men who we aren’t like ourselves to fossil how to beat away from our own-self judgements because it is exciting to be around what ‘isn’t us’.

Red Red Wine

Well tonight I think I can officially say that I have experienced the feeling of being a ‘loser’. Drinking some shiraz and contemplating how I did not get invited to a party that all my friends were, even though I slightly know the host, still, they don’t know her much either…
Oh and when my friend said she might have forgotten as she forgot many people, I just asked her nicely and still got no for a answer.
This has never happened to me before, I think i’m losing my mojo.

So just sipping my wine and hoping my drunk friends having a fabulous time at the party I rushed all day to do my assignment to go too in about two hours remember to pick me up to head to the club later..
oh life.

Whats new? Well I cheaped out on the 11 dollar wine instead of the 15, so its not tasting too amazing, but I guess thats not the point tonight, lol.
I went to the nurse to get tested from ex ex lover birthday sex last week and she said that I should stop worrying and that I am wasting the doctors equipment because I am over-paranoid. Honestly when a doctor is telling you that, then you know you’re too much.

Is there every really a fuckboy? When do we know that we have said too much? Or haven’t said enough? Recently my roommate who was the class of a fuckboy this year is starting to settle with a women because she I guess was simply just the right one? My fuckboy just started working at the gym and we just coincidently workout at the same exact fucking times…5:30pm, there is me running on the treadmill sweating, gasping for air, he walks in and I see him in my peripheral vision and just get even more gaspy and flustered…so I think, instead of getting nervous, why not impress?
I tuck up my shirt to show my mid-rift and pretend im switching the song on my Iphone to look at the camera fix my hair, and put my shoulders back and by butt up and try and run as sexy as possible..however I did not remember I had already been running for quite a while so that only lasted for a couple minutes therefore no impression was made. I actually felt rather faint.

Do better Bridget.

The question is… how does one make one jealous without being obvious? How do we get our ‘fuckboys’ to settle?
But I guess at the end of…it doesn’t matter who you are, or how good you look, its all up to him.

Oh and Ps. The man, ex ex ex lover who I left on the other side of the world has stopped speaking to me. Dickhead.

Happy Birthday

The worst hangover in a while and a day after pill is a sure bloody great way to bring in your birthday…’rolls eyes’.

Okay so I wouldn’t say I am very proud of this move, however a girl has needs.

First of all, fuck that other dickhead in my last post, who is he anymore? So glad I didn’t have sex with him, so not worth it.

Well……it was my birthday night and horny as fuck as usual..I fucked my fuckboy again. Dammit.
However this time this was for me, and only for me, and I made that very clear to him. Now let me tell you which fuck boy this is so you don’t get confused. This is ex ex lover, not ex lover, the one who kicked me out his house, he can’t get me wet remember so it wouldn’t of been even worth a fuck. Now ex ex lover, the sex was amazing, thats why its a tricky situation when your wanting a good time and ex ex lover is in the room while you are on many different substances……………

First of all, he totally was eyeing me more then usual that very night, in the smoking area he stared at me and smiled and I looked at him like.. what??? fucker.

Anyways. So it got me thinking. I could have sex tonight. I could have sex tonight with someone who is guaranteed good. I can have sex tonight and not up my number. Well then there was it, I walked towards those smelly pub doors looking like I just turned 15 in my ‘birthday girl’ badge, the time was 2am, I saw him and said, ‘I want to fuck you’. Okay first I can’t believe I actually said that, I was borderline wasted and wanted to feel fierce as it was my birthday, and I was feeling like a older natural women. So I walked towards, hair flying behind me and said what I wanted, and in a heartbeat his face lit up like he’s been wanting to hear this all night. I told him to rush as I did not want anyone to see us leave together, if they did someone would tell me that it was wrong, and that was the last thing I wanted to hear. I don’t care if it was wrong, time to use him back and have some birthday sex!
Well the drunk sex was alright, whiskey dick and whiskey clit doesn’t help so we kinda waited till the morning. Woke up gasping for water like I was in the western Australian desert and half my body being crushed by a hot sweaty massive man kangaroo in cuddle mode.. I looked to the right and saw my ‘birthday girl’ badge and just rolled my eyes. Great.
Anyways he woke up and we again fucked, however this time it was really good, really really good, so good it led him to saying, ‘Happy Birthday’ right after he came and got up. Lovely scurry to the pharmacy for a day after, thanks for the birthday wish! ‘Rolls eyes’

Sigh. Anyways. Who cares at the end of the day. I’m out of this bitch in two months and to be honest I got everything I wanted on my birthday and frankly feel in control again.

You go Bridget.

75 Come Downs

I’ve never experienced a come down so bad as I do when I take this route home from the city..its like life is just being sucked out of me..

Anyways. Stop moping Bridget.

So recently I went out in the city with some city friends and ended up hooking up with a guy, not sex, but might as well have been. Then right after I of course found out that he had a girlfriend. Ugh fucking idiot. Great! The one time I get my hopes up that I can finally get laid for the rest of the semester and I realize thats out the question. Well I thought oh maybe I can still hook up with him still, not that thats morally okay, but pretty sure what every girl thinks..but doubt thats going to happen as tonight I found out he’s seeing his girlfriend again. Why do men always get to do what they want? Or think they can?
This is just another classic example of men wanting their cake and eating it too…and us women just remain fools.
I just want someone to share my bed (or cake) with..and thats rare because I love my own bed.

Oh and did I mention that ex ex lover just started working at the gym that I just happened to sign up for? Now whenever I plan on going I will have to smile at him and give him my ID gym card, with the ugliest picture of me, for him to scan..and then he can just gloat in my sweaty ass, frizzed curly hair and over-sized pajama t-shirt dying on the treadmill. Oh this semester is just getting better and better! I guess I better go shopping quick for a new gym wardrobe! Time to get the VS sports bras with the extra padding going with tight leggings to compliment!
I WILL MAKE YOU WANT TO FUCK ME AGAIN!

Lol.

Anyways, life isn’t all about sex. It’s about baking. And being a human bowling pin.
Do better Bridget.

Dark Side of the Moon

After copious cups of decaffeinated english breakfast tea and endless episodes of Gossip Girl, I finally turn to listening to the full album of Pink Floyd’s..I shouldn’t have to tell you the name right, if you don’t know it, I demand you right now to roll the biggest spliff you can, close your eyes and get lost in the dark side of the moon.

The album Time ends while the Great Gig in the Sky begins and he wonders, “why should I be afraid of dying, there is no reason for it”, while this sorrow emotion fills this singing’s woman’s voice. She says no words at all, but she still says so much.
My roommate is probably going to walk in soon hearing this and probably wonder if i’m doing some voo-doo therapy, pretty sure he already thinks i’m some weirdo rasta because of where I come from. Lol.

Anyways, i’m not sure exactly what the theme of this post is, but today something happened that reminded me of how I was a boys first love in high school, and I just simply did not love him back.. Probably because I was so distracted from I guess my ‘first love’, distracted from ‘Mr.Big’, when I should of just been with someone who loved me. It would of been so so easy, I just wonder sometimes, why can’t we just settle for the one’s that so deeply want us? Why is it in our nature to be so unsatisfied?

Sigh. No more tea for me tonight. I think i’ll go take another bite of these healthy cookies I made earlier, however, its just because I know there healthy and they said that their healthy, it makes me feel like I can eat them all at once which frankly now I feel sick off them. Wow. I think I just realized that my cookies represent men.

Things to work on for Bridget:
– Satisfaction.